I often use the quote “I change and the world changes” to remind myself that I have power over my own happiness. The dark gloomy world around me seems that way because of the lenses that I use to see it through. By switching my lenses, I change my view, i.e., my world, making the dark rain clouds go poof and the sun shine through.
Recently I’ve noticed that my outlook seems to change depending on where or when I am. On Monday mornings, although I should be all doom and gloom, I’m positive and motivated. Don’t be mistaken, I’m not motivated to work – that motivation has leaked out of my life a long time ago (and not because I do not enjoy the nature of my work – let’s just say it’s a management problem). No, on Monday morning’s I am eagerly awaiting my evening and weekend, where I will do all of the things that I didn’t have the heart to do the evening or weekend before. But come the evening, come the weekend, where has that motivation gone? Accidentally flushed down a toilet somewhere between work and home.
It’s like my lenses are replaced when I change location. When I’m at home, I see emptiness, which I feel reflects my life. When I’m at work, I see people respond positively to me (they smile) and feel welcome. When I’m out with friends, my life feels full and I feel loved. When I’m running errands, I feel alienated, estranged. When I’m running, I feel free.
My problem is that I can’t carry the good from one place to another. I change places and I change.
Can a conscious effort to change my perspective actually change it? Or will I continue to be the unknowing victim of my surroundings? Or is the solution simply to avoid the hopeless places (which strangely do not seem so hopeless when I’m in one of my safe places)? How do I make home feel like home when I’m in it?