A thousand apologies were given. Just one was needed. That one would never come. That one had to come from a place of selflessness, a place never visited by the selfish.
And for months they came, these apologies – several a week, sometimes several a day. He was sorry. She understood the words, but she saw that the meaning wasn’t there behind them. He wasn’t sorry in the way that he would never do it again or even that he would try not to do it again. After all, he had apologized due to the same cause but for different reasons and he did it all again. Even now after having lost the “love of his life,” he refused to give up the reason for his loss. If he did, then he would really have nothing and what was the point in that? She wasn’t coming back this time. There was no need to even pretend to change.
She hated the apologies. They weren’t apologies, they were explanations, excuses. He had done it because… She didn’t care about the why. It was wrong. He knew he was hurting her when he did it, but he still chose to do it. He knew it was wrong too, but instead of saying it, he kept explaining why he did it.
Every day these apologies were laid at her feet. Every day she rejected them. They weren’t true. They weren’t genuine. They weren’t from the heart, just straight from the brain. She couldn’t forgive someone who couldn’t admit and confess his sin. He confessed a lot, but never admitted it was a sin since he had done it because…
The apologies finally stopped. But she still waited for that one impossible apology – the one that could set her free.