Saturday and Sunday mornings, before my brain kicks in, I lie in bed in a state of complete relaxation. I can sense the daylight behind the curtains through my closed eyelids. I can hear the birds and gentle roar of distant traffic – a train, a plane, a car, a pedestrian pulling a trolley… Spread like a starfish across the bed with two arms hugging a pillow, I am cushioned by a cloud just warm enough to keep me cosy, just warm enough to allow me to appreciate the fresh cool sheets just five inches from where my body lies should I reach out and touch them. I could languish here forever.
But then the brain kicks in dragging all its messy issues into this peaceful paradise. First there are the work issues – ever a source of stress, ever a source of problems, constantly challenging me for unpleasant solutions. Then there are my doubts and insecurities – I scrutinize what is wrong with me, try to understand why I am not enough, focus on people who have what I want and feed my jealousies. Then there are the time issues – there is not enough time for my life between work, chores, family and social duties, no time for me and my dreams – and why because I am wasting this precious time lying in bed! Finally, the physical issues kick in – the call of the bathroom won’t let me rest another minute – there is no position that will alleviate the pressure on my bladder.
I get up and go to the bathroom.
Afterwards I go back to bed, but it’s too late. The initial bliss is gone. The brain demons are gone too, but their shadows remain. Only one thing left to save the day – get up, go for a run and chase the darkness away.