I would sit there in the metro and stare at them – all these people, all these expressionless faces. Their lives were full of meaning. I was sure of it. I could feel it. After all, nobody else was looking around for way-points, for directions, for clues as to what they were meant to be doing, feeling, thinking…
They knew their purpose. Their lives were full of meaning. Every second they were on their paths and I was just there lost in the jungle. The masks on their faces were there to hide it so that nobody could steal their special meaning or use it against them. So they kept their eyes blank. They drew their lips into straight lines never curling up or down. They avoided eye contact. No wordless messages would be sent between them. But close to their hearts, hidden under their coats, was their secret – their purpose for living.
How I envied them! If I could force the words out of their mouths, rip that meaning out of their hearts, and claim it as my own… But that was impossible. I could take it from them and destroy their lives, but I could never make it my own – it would never make my life complete.
So I have decided that I will no longer search for their meanings, their purposes. From now on, my quest will be inwards. I will look inside, find my meaning, and learn my purpose. What works for them won’t work for me. Their shoes are not my size. I will find my way through this jungle and the map is inside me.