Losing It

You've got to get lost to get found

New Year, New Start – or Different Year, Same Shit

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The thing about new year’s is that you expect to wake up as a new you. Instead, as you try to crack the crumbly glue of last night’s mascara and peer out at the new world, you realize that nothing is different, it’s all just the same but worse.

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  • You once again have a hangover, even though you swore that you wouldn’t this year and deliberately avoided the big party to avoid that temptation (only to have way too many drinks at a quiet night in at a sick friend’s place).
  • You woke up later than you ever wake up (when the idea was to wake up early and fresh faced in order to enjoy having an entire day to yourself).
  • You also broke all the rules that you had imposed on yourself in the previous year and had been successfully respecting.
    • You didn’t remove your makeup before going to bed (and it is now all over your face and pillow).
    • You answered the phone when your ex called shortly after midnight and dug around in the wound of your past relationship with him until the blood was pouring freely again (even though it was universally agreed upon—by you, by him, by all your friends and family—that there should be no further contact between the two of you).
    • You skipped breakfast and lunch, and when you finally did eat it consisted of sugar and fast food (despite willingly and easily following a much healthier diet in the previous year).

It seems I do not know how to start the year well, but I do end it well. After all, isn’t that what a new year is? A chance to start over? And to start over, you have to go back to the beginning. Well here I am—back where I was a year ago. Or not really. I didn’t go all the way back to the beginning. I’m still in a better state than a year ago. I took a few steps back, that’s all. Life is full of little setbacks and it is so easy to throw in the towel and give up when one comes along. Now, on day 2 of this new year, it’s time to clean up the mess of the first day and start moving forward again.

photo credit: Zoë Campbell via photopin cc

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